


Tipping Point

by afteriwake



Series: nongentorum [74]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Established Sherlock Holmes/Molly Hooper, F/M, Fights, First Fight, POV Sherlock Holmes, Post-The Final Problem, Sherlock Holmes is Bad at Feelings, Sherlock is scared, admitting feelings, supportive Molly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-24 00:59:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10730901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/afteriwake/pseuds/afteriwake
Summary: Either they’ll stay together or they’ll break apart. This fight will determine whether Sherlock Holmes can be a man in love even if he doesn’t fully love himself.





	Tipping Point

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a prompt meme on Tumblr, and **canislondon** asked for " _Sherlolly, 16 (First huge fight)_ "

“If you’re not scared, then you’re not taking a chance. If you’re not taking a chance, then what the hell are we doing anyway?”

He froze at the words. She didn’t _understand_ , and he didn’t know how to make her know that, right now, he was chilled to the bone. The fact he was muddling through what was expected of him in a relationship left him in terror most of the time because he had spent so long being told he was abnormal that he had no idea how to be normal, how to be what she deserved.

He was terrified because he had taken a chance, and now it seemed like the leap of faith that his admittance at Sherrinford would be the start of _something_ was wrong.

And he didn’t want to be wrong.

He collapsed in on himself, not physically, not entirely, but enough that it was obvious he did not want to continue the fight. How it had even gotten to this point he didn’t know. They were trying but it wasn’t all sunshine and roses; what had happened because of Eurus had seemed to taint the feelings they had and damn her, this was not what he had wanted. He loved Molly. His world was not right when she was not a full part of it, when she was not happy and actively engaging with him. And lately she had been pulling away, and he had too. There was something between them, some wall of some sort.

“I am terrified,” he said quietly, sinking onto the sofa and hanging his head, digging his elbows into his thighs. “I am terrified I will never be enough for you. I am terrified all the abnormalities I’ve been told will one day convince you to leave, that it’s not worth trying anymore. That maybe it’s best if we go back to what we were. But we can’t, and I don’t want to. I do love you, Molly. I am in love with you. But I don’t know if I will ever be what you deserve. I think you deserve...better.”

He looked up to see the absolute look of shock on her face, as though nine hundred volts of electricity had passed through her and her eyes were frozen wide. “Do you...want to end things?” she asked quietly.

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “But I don’t know how to fix things. I don’t know if I can.”

She stood stock still for a moment, then slowly made her way to the sofa, sitting nearby but not touching him. He wanted to reach out, to touch her. He felt best when she was close, when she was close to him and they were in comfortable silence and all was silence and stillness and peacefulness. Life was too chaotic, even now, and Molly was his center. She had always seemed to be his center.

A center that, perhaps, had moved too far away. Maybe this was a gulf they couldn’t cross towards each other. Perhaps the space between them that they had let develop had stretched too widely for too long.

“I love you too, Sherlock,” she said. “And I’m trying very hard to love you as you are because the man you are now is the man I’ve loved for so long. I know...I knew going in it wouldn’t be easy. I just didn’t expect it to be so _hard_ , but I didn’t realize you don’t love yourself, even now. You can love me, but you need to love yourself, too.” 

“I don’t think I can do this on my own,” he said. “Even if we aren’t...” He trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence. He knew this moment was tenuous between them. They were a couple for the moment, but it could go either way. She could stay with him or she could leave him. She could remain in his life or she could go. It all balanced on an edge and he didn’t want to think of a life without her but he had to realize that for them to have gotten to this point, for them to have had this fight, it was at a tipping point. It was all her decision now.

She slowly slid her hand towards his thigh and settled it on there and calmness started to envelop him. Perhaps the breach was not as wide as he thought. “I will stay with you but we need to work on things. _You_ need to figure some things out.”

He nodded. She was right; with the revelations of the truth and seeing how his family interacted, he knew there were things he needed to sort out, hurts that needed to heal. He needed to try and forgive people, he needed to let go of things and Molly was right: he needed to learn to love the man he had become because of how circumstances had molded him. He reached over and touched her hand, playing with her fingers for a moment, before gently grasping her hand in his. He was scared, yes, but if Molly stayed, he could be less scared. And perhaps if he was less scared, and grew more so as time went on, the walls would go down and he and Molly would stand a chance. Perhaps he could prove he was worthy of her after all.


End file.
